Reflections on 2022 and What Next
Time has flown by since my last blog. So here I am to share my reflections on the year as it draws to a close. Like many others, I have found it an emotional rollercoaster. 2022 continued to be focused on my health, which brought personal challenges and an unexpected gentle and paced return to my healing 'work' that I have missed so much. The first 3 months of 2022 were intense, revisiting a 2 year journey with my counsellor, this time for trauma focused sessions. I continued seeing my acupuncturist for a hands on/somatic approach to support my talking therapy. My decision to journal these 3 months proved to be a useful tool to help express emotions and feelings, and brought great insights and validations. I have continued with this practice and thoroughly recommend it! Looking back on the last 2 years of working with my acupuncturist, it continues to be the most amazing journey. A somatic approach, acupuncture, body mapping, music, flowing in and out of movement and breath really resonates, and I am always so grateful for these sessions, even during those dark challenging times that sometimes surface as I peel back the layers. The deep journey within, especially around trauma resolution is not easy and cannot be rushed. I do not believe there are quick fixes, despite what some may say. Slow and gentle is the way (your nervous system will thank you for it!) and I have come to understand the importance of this. Finding the right practitioner/s to support you deserves spending time on and discernment as there are so many out there! After 30 years I finally feel I have found the right practitioners and approaches for me. We are unique beings, with different needs, there is no one size fits all. For me, safety, trust, openness, honesty, compassion, understanding and energy flow between practitioner and client are key (humour helps too!). Whilst there are times you may need to bring in other practitioners for specifics that may arise, I find it invaluable to have one main practitioner to link in with who really gets to know you. The continuity enables the sense of safety, trust and understanding to grow, which supports more opening, releasing, processing and healing. I have a clear vision of my health goals, if not always the answers on how to get there. By experiencing lessons in life and my personal therapy journey, I continue to learn more and more, which enables me to support others even more. Not all things can be learned from a text book, and often these are more powerful and supportive than any course certificate. Our lessons in life are a valuable gift, even if it does not feel it at times. This summer I returned to the sea after 15 years, after being unable to go into the water due to my health challenges, mainly temperature sensitivity, pain and mobility. I have sat on Teignmouth beach many times over the last few years, watching people dipping and swimming, with silent tears running down my cheeks, longing for that to be me. It was a harsh reminder of things I missed so much in life due to my health. It took 2 years of self-work to reach this moment. In 2020 I began with alternating my shower water temperature at home from hot to cold on my feet in an attempt to confuse my nerve pathways (I could not tolerate this practice above my ankles). 2021 I walked along Teignmouth seafront on the waters edge, the pain of the cold water and coarse sand on the soles of my feet making me cry. I was determined to push through it, hoping my intuitive 'experiments' would bring positive shifts to my health. Then I purchased a swimming costume, leaving this in the car, just in case one day when in Teignmouth I felt able to try to go in above my ankles. This was a big thing in itself as someone who experiences body confidence issues. In June I found myself in the sea up to my chest. There are no words to express my joy and sense of achievement, which continued to grow over the coming months. Here is a video I recorded at the time:
Another personal goal was to walk to the top of Glastonbury Tor and play my shamanic drum. It took 3 separate trips and attempts, but eventually I made it, and played my drum during sunset, thanks to the support of my husband and my determination! I never imagined at the time a photo taken by my husband of me playing my drum would become the promotional photo for 'Journey to the Heart' my shamanic drum sound baths.
It was not until I returned home and looked through photos of the day, I realised I had managed to sit with my feet crossed over, something I have not been able to physically manage for over a decade. It is important we notice progress, no matter how small it may seem!
You can view videos of this Glastonbury Tor experience on my You Tube channel.
Over the last 3 years I have been supported and guided by my friend who lives in the States. She is a bodyworker, movement therapist and energy worker and I have learned more about my body in this time than my whole life. She has and continues to support and guide me, especially when my mind and body slip into the conditioned mindset of fear when I experience pain, helping me re-focus on my healing and remind me of the progress I have made, for which I will be forever grateful, as it is often hard to see and acknowledge this. My dental journey continues into 2023, after finding myself treated by a dentist working without insurance, one procedure resulting in me ending up in hospital, him being suspended from working whilst my total bill amounted to around £10,000 which I struggled to finance. I then discovered the dental work was not complete and found myself mid-surgery, excluded from accessing treatment from my preferred dentists. The only hope I had was with one dentist in alignment with my views on dentistry, who had shown me a genuine kindness and understanding.
I am so grateful for his continued support as we move into 2023, as I am to my local dentist he collaborates with. Team work! I struggle on this dental journey. It feels never ending, scary at times and has consumed years of my life. I have been stuck with chronic facial and oral pain and paralysis for 7 years and will not give up on diagnostics and solutions, but no longer allow this to consume my life. I share my dental journey in real time to help create awareness to help guide others. You can follow my dental journey on my You Tube channel and my Go Fund Me donation page remains open for anyone who wishes to support my past and future dental costs. I have a bank account set up for donations or you can donate via my Go Fund Me fundraising page - https://gofund.me/1c020e41 Dental podcast update. This is still planned to be broadcast by Crowded Productions. The delays have not been ideal, but out of my control, with my own health issues over these 2 years and work commitments of my Producer. The show will go on! Fingers crossed you will be able to tune in for a listen about mine and others experience of UK dentistry, with interviews from dental professionals too.
I began work with a friend who is a health coach. She is guiding me on a protocol to support my decision to withdraw from taking blood pressure medication after almost 16 years following pre-eclampsia and hypertension resulting from that. She is also supporting me in how to prepare my body to finally be able to begin a heavy metal detox process, over a year since my dental surgery. September saw the return to my healing 'work'. I set up a few shamanic drum sound baths and offered one to one healing sessions, planning to reflect over the Christmas break on how I had found this physically, mentally, spiritually and if indeed people wanted it. I am clear on my direction for January, but not looking much further ahead than that, prepared to trust and flow with where it takes me. The ocean of online information around health has felt as overwhelming as ever. For me it creates overthinking, pressure, anxiety, overwhelm, confusion and ultimately a state of freeze. It is unsupportive to my health, and I am currently reviewing my social media platforms to reduce the incoming information overload. I am a visionary, with big ideas to bring positive changes to humanity, but I continue to work on the lesson of acceptance, that we do not need to execute big ideas to make a difference to others lives. We can make a difference one person at a time. For anyone who may be struggling to understand their place and purpose in the world, this quote I found by an unnamed author is for you... "If you feel like you don't fit into this world, it is because you are here to help create a new one." My heart is leading me into 2023 with a sense of stillness, with no expectations, taking me back to my favourite mantra "Back to basics, keep it simple". We live in a world of information overload, overthinking, over analysing. I am choosing to trust in the universe, knowing all is as it is meant.
Be mindful of the situations you place yourself in and the people you surround yourself with. It is not the size of your circle that is important, it is who is in it that matters. Protecting your energy is important. I hope your heart leads you to where you want to be. Much love. Jenny x