Dad Matters Too
Fathers can feel very excluded and unsupported at this devastating time.
They are expected to support their partner, be a messenger for friends and relatives, and somehow deal with their own grief and return to work.
We need to be mindful that they have lost their baby too.
It can be difficult for many men to open up, to show their emotions and share how they feel. Their partner may look to them to be strong for them both.
As a woman, I cannot say I truly understand how it feels to be a Dad who has had to say goodbye to their baby, plus everyone's experience is unique to them, but I can acknowledge their grief.
"After spending a devastating night in hospital with Jenny and our baby Lucy, daylight broke and I suddenly had the feeling of wanting to pull back the curtains and hold our little girl up to the window. Tenderly I held her so we both looked out, and even though she had never opened her eyes I felt somehow she had now seen the world and maybe known us from our brief time together. I painfully remember receiving the hospital photographs in a plain brown envelope with
Baby of Jenny Moore written on it. My heart ached thinking "Wasn't she my baby too?"
"We had only known our baby was there for a short while when we lost her, but we already had a name for her. When we lost the pregnancy it was devastating. It was my job to tell our relatives and I still had to go to work, but I don't begrudge my wife any of it. I tried to help her cope with the grief. At the time it did not feel as if anything I did helped. Looking back, though, I think just being there for her was the best thing I could have done. We still miss our little Beth and mark what would have been her birthday every year. I bet her smile would have been as lovely as her Mummy's."
"I remember the excitement of finding out that I was to be a father. The little butterflies in the stomach and the thought of holding a brand new person to the world is the most amazing feeling. Sadly it was not to be. The traumatic experience of finding out that the pregnancy had terminated was truly devastating. I am not one for crying but I did that day. And then to the procedure of removal. We had the most awful experience and I had to sit there, be comforting and support my wife through it knowing all the while that I couldn’t take the pain from her. If I could, I would; and that is the awful part. Seeing the one you love go through an experience like that is not nice. I think about the one that didn’t make it, who they would have been, what they would do and how they would have enriched my life."
Love and light to any Dad who has reason to visit this page